I thought I would walk into your house and tell you that it wasn’t okay for you just to walk back into my life.
Instead I walked into your house and saw you standing there waiting, hands shaking, nervous eyes. Prepared to hear me say that you were too late. We sat down. I swear I could see your heart about to beat out of your chest.
You wrote me another letter, you said “If you decide you do not want to let me back into your life, I will have no choice but to accept it. I will pray for your happiness and I want to thank you for the time we have shared together. I felt like you brought me into the light and loved me fully. You brought a happiness to me I will always be thankful for. I wish I could have gotten you to push through this bad patch that I had and loved me forever as I want to with you, but if you can’t I want you to know how much I’ve meant all of this. I’d do anything for you not to feel one day of sadness ever again. I can honestly say if something happened to me, I’d die a happy person knowing I got to feel love the way I do for you.”
I told you this wasn’t fair for you to walk in and out of my life like this. For you to take so long to see that our love is worth everything and so much more. That I have needed you and you weren’t there for me. That you abandoned me.
I let you hold my hand. I could feel your presence crawling through me. Through my veins. Through my heart. A presence, an excitement, an electricity I have missed in your absence.
You put your hand over my heart and told me you would never allow me to be hurt by another man.
I told you this wasn’t going to be easy. That I needed time.
You said you would do anything, as long as it meant you didn’t lose me.
I’m either the luckiest girl in the world, or the most foolish.
“God forbid, I exude confidence and enjoy sex. Do you think I relish the fact that I have to act like Mary Sunshine 24/7 so I can be considered a lady? I’m the Marcia fucking Brady of the Upper East Side, and sometimes I want to kill myself”
Cruel Intentions (1999)
F. Scott Fitzgerald (via myquotelibrary)
I’m in love with they way the sun kisses the horizon as it slowly descends in the sky. I’m in love with the aroma of coffee and the smell of rain. I’m in love with old books that have been pressed too many times and new books with fresh pages waiting to be felt and pressed. I’m in love with the…
Michael Haneke, from My Life (2009)